Happy Sunday SugarSobriety! I had an amazing week, with a few blips. I discovered some things about myself this week, which is always a good thing, but in this case it was a great thing!
I realized that I was feeling angry. I was feeling sad, and down in the dumps despite all of the great things that were happening in my professional life which directly affects my personal life. I should be on cloud 9 with all of the great things going on! So, I did a little digging, because that’s what I do, and stumbled across a discovery.
As I sit here on a Sunday morning preparing to do a cleanse day on this program I am on, I look back over the past 10 years with all of the weight struggles and honestly, they aren’t that bad. It could have been much worse. The struggle with sugar has been the worst. I went through all kinds of stages and mindsets to eliminate it from my life completely. Now, I have eliminated two meals a day from my life and replaced them with a shake. I made a startling discovery this past week, and it makes sense why I have hit a plateau in my progress toward my ideal weight, BMI and muscle mass.
I miss food. There, I said it. I miss it so bad. It’s gone, out of my life, and I miss it. I miss the eating out all the time, the burgers and the feeling of a full belly. I thought, could I be going through a grieving process? I have been really angry and touchy this whole month. Flying off the handle at the drop of a …… well…. anything. Now, for the past 3 weeks I have been bargaining with myself. “It won’t hurt if I eat two meals today and have one shake.” It wasn’t just “today” though. It was almost half the week! This past week has been sadness, just deep sadness. Reminiscing about how I used to bake cookies, cakes, pies and make all these elaborate meals with butter, fat, and salt. Thinking about sitting down to a big meal. There was comfort there, and it made me so sad to think that I could never do that again, if I wanted to get where I want to be. So, then I bargained with myself again. I ate ice cream twice this week. I told myself it was the proper portion so it was okay. It added an additional 280 calories to my day!
I truly understand the grief process, I just didn’t realize that we go through it with food as well. It could be that we go through it with everything that we lose. Think about it, if you have a car accident and you loved your car. Now, it’s gone. Grief process. If you get a divorce, grief process. Even if the item that you have lost or eliminated wasn’t good for you, we still get to go through a grief process.
I put on two pounds in the last two weeks, and no it’s not from muscle! I tried to play that off, but I haven’t been doing that much lifting at the gym, or at home! They say that the key to getting through the grief process is to not get stuck in one of the phases. There are several ways to describe the phases of the process, but it boils down to 5 stages.
Denial – I don’t miss food, I love this new life I have chosen to live. I feel so good, and then the weight loss happens. Maybe I could be grieving the weight loss as well?
Anger – Not quite sure what I was angry at all the time, but very short tempered and full of angst was not a way to live the life that I live! I HAVE to very purposefully focus on gratitude and get out of my head with service during these times.
Bargaining – I believe this is the stage that I am in right now, but awareness is key and I recognize when I am bargaining. Although I am angry about it, but if I do cave in and go along with the bargain, I am angry at myself for doing it. I choose just anger. LOL!!!
Depression – I might be slipping into this one, although I know how to pull myself out of this one. This means that I have almost completed all of the phases! See how I turned that around? I know nothing lasts forever!
Acceptance – Here is the finish line! This is the last phase of the grieving process and the best. Acceptance is the one where you have come to an understanding that what is, is and it’s time to move on and rebuild.
There is such a thing as “healthy grieving” and today I am choosing to allow my healthy grieving process to take place. I am not going to beat myself up for gaining two pounds and bargaining with myself for the past month or so. I am not going to beat myself up for not sticking to the plan. I am going to move forward to better things! Acceptance is my goal! So, how do I do that?
I can express myself, and be vulnerable. I can allow this process to happen. I have realized over time that the more I fight it, the harder it is to cope. I open my arms and accept this process.
I am going to use the 5-second rule to continue searing in this new routine to my life. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO! Stop thinking about all that “fighting thoughts” that come up and just DO!
Here is a great TedTalk on this rule – The 5 Second Rule
I am going to practice good sleep habits. Going to bed at same time and getting up at same time every single day, yes – even on weekends! I am going to replace my snacks with roughage. Salads, with amazing organic tomatoes (I love them) and accept the bargaining and then move on. After all, it is part of my make-up. If I fight it, it fights back. Just say okay, and then do what I am supposed to do. With that being said, I am going to the gym now. Because, as I sit here, my mind is trying to bargain with me. Amazing!
Food addiction and sugar addiction is a powerful force. It’s different with drugs and alcohol because we can cut it out completely and that is the key to recovery. I would much rather do recovery from drugs and alcohol again than food. It’s hard because we need food to survive. The food that is manufactured makes us crave more and more. Once that food is replaced with good food that doesn’t make us crave, the habit still exists of eating and eating until the bad feelings are gone. I know that this too, shall pass. It’s just a little bit of time, being strong through that time, and it passes. Acceptance comes, and then we get to move on to the next challenge in life.
Learning this is so crucial to success. Knowing that failure is also another step toward success. I hope you get to go through a grieving process, it’s a beautiful part of our lives. AS long as we let it.
Stay tuned this week for another installment of She She’s great knowledge. I will check in next week and let you know how my week went. I know that when I keep up my accountability with you, I do well!