Day 85 – Story Time – Relationships

Happy Wednesday! I love sharing stories about growing up because they give me insight as to WHY I make decisions about what I do now. I hope you enjoy them as much as I love writing them.

Do you think our current relationships have anything to do with the type of relationship we have with food? Let’s explore shall we?

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So, when I was a little girl, my mom was a co-dependent alcoholic and my father was a gambling/smoker, hard working, hardened man. I think they were that way when they met, and then just continued to let it rule their lives. That is a total mind read, because the reality is, I don’t know. They never talked about it with me. It’s all conclusions that my child brain came up with and I have carried those into my adulthood. The reality is, I don’t know the reality of why my parents did what they did, or behaved the way they did. They were older when I was born, and that means they were really set in their ways, with the inability to change or the want to make that happen as well. They were complainers, and my dad was more of a doer than my mom was, but nonetheless I turned out alright. This relationship that I had with my parents was strange if I look back on it now. I don’t remember having a lot of hugs as a child. Although, I could have blocked those memories out. I remember a few, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen though. I was scared to death of my dad in the sense that I knew if I didn’t do right he would beat me. I NEVER got beat by the way, although my brother did. I watched in horror as my father would punish him for his behaviors. Remember folks, this was back in the 70’s when it was “okay” to do this. The village raised the children, and we were seen, not heard. My brother was a handful. He was always in trouble. He was 11 years older than I was, and was into drugs, alcohol, stealing, you name it, he was doing it.

I created this fear of my father through necessity, from watching him do these things to my brother. My mother on the other hand, was very docile, and hid her anger. I remember listening to her as a child, she would go into her sewing room and the profanity that would leave her mouth was incredible! She drank, a lot! She would say things like, “Don’t tell your father about this”. Everything was always such a secret. I knew it wasn’t right at the time, but what was I to do? I was a child!

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So, what relationship was created because of this? Fearful, secretive, and very critical conclusions about everything. There was no trust, with anyone. Especially myself. No self respect, no self love, no confidence and nothing was good enough. Which brings me to now. When I first realized drinking and drugging were not working for me any longer, I had to face the fact that I was ANGRY. Very, very angry about my mother, my father – a lot of things. This anger had piled up and I used many vices in order to control it. When I was a child, fit throwing was an appropriate outlet. That doesn’t work when you are an adult.  I mean, I guess I could throw a fit – can you imagine? At one point in my life, I did throw fits as an adult. I remember my children just freaking out and I created that fear in them as well. You see, I was a combination of my mother and father acting out when I was supposed to be an adult and “adulting”.

I carried this relationship over into food, and especially sugary sweets. I have recently realized that if I can work on that relationship and make it as normal as possible, then my ability to practice moderation will organically occur. Cool, huh? I crave (my habits do) sugary sweets when I am feeling fearful, angry, self loathing and suffering from low confidence in myself.

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I have been battling with the idea of just having a day of sugary sweets, just one day. What is it going to hurt? I haven’t done it because I don’t TRUST myself to crawl back on the wagon the day after. YET, that is. I think I will trust myself eventually, but WHY is it necessary to have a day of sweets? To “treat myself”? Treat myself with poison, that’s a great way to participate in self love, self respect and keep my confidence high! Does this make sense to you? My relationship with my parents also carries over into my other relationships as well. My relationship with my work, my exercise, my Gratitude and myself! So, I work on each one with care. I noticed that there are patterns that dictate my behaviors.

Life is fast, we typically move through each day in a daze. Doing things without even thinking about what we are doing. We discussed habits before, and they are strong! Next thing you know, you have a whole batch of Peanut Butter Cookies being stuffed into your mouth for dinner! IT’s automatic! So, awareness of the patterns is essential to have success! How do you think I got 85 days? I have learned how to change my state.

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My “state of mind” is what will determine whether or not I make decisions that are conducive to staying healthy. When I am in a state of unease, I am more likely to make decisions that cause more unease. When I am in a state of joy, I am more likely to make decisions that create more joy. When I am in a state of abundance, I am more likely to make decisions that create more abundance. When I am in a state of scarcity, I am more likely to make decisions that create more scarcity. I could go on, but I think you get the point. It’s sometimes easy to motivate yourself into a great state. Most times, it takes work, and practice just like everything else.

Practice creating a state of mind that will serve you and your goals, and success will be plentiful. Here are some steps to help:

  1.  Turn off the TV – stop letting it program fear into you
  2. Train your Facebook and Social Media feed to get rid of the negative.
  3. Read something positive everyday.
  4. Listen to audio that will inspire you, not inspire fear in you
  5. Exercise – it helps to decrease stress and levels hormones which in turn creates a positive state.
  6. Create a Gratitude List – everyday.

DO IT!

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