8 Years Sober! Day 58 – no sugar

$_35

 

Hey there! What an awesome day it was! I love celebrations! Today I celebrated 8 years free from drugs & alcohol. One Day At A Time. That’s it. Well, that’s not it, but it’s that simple.

I remember that weekend like it was yesterday. It was awful, I had fallen on my FACE! Blood everywhere, all in my purse, my car, the concrete. I dragged myself up to the condo where I was living and half ass washed off my face. Fell into bed, and woke up 4 hours later. Funny thing, when you have been drinking, you always wake up 4 hours later after passing out! That’s because that’s how long it takes for the sugar to metabolize in your body, I’ve heard.

I awoke at 6 am in the morning and peeled my bloody face off of the pillow. Staggered my way into the bathroom and took a shower, there was no going back to bed. What a night. Long story short; my boyfriend caught me in a bar, drinking and flirting. Broke up with me and I was devastated. Drunk, but devastated. All I wanted to do was drink all day on Saturday and that is exactly what I did. I had already stopped the hard drugs a few months before and after that it was difficult to drink. You see, I used the drugs to not get drunk. I could out drink anyone! It was like riding a roller coaster! I drank, and I drank, and I drank. I finally left the bar at 10 pm and I was NOT drunk that Saturday after my fall! I came home, and did the most awful thing a mother could do, I asked my kids if they had weed! They did, and yes I did, and I went to sleep. Guess when I awoke? You got it, four hours later! Once again, full of shame and guilt, I dragged myself into the shower and got ready to go grocery shopping. It was Sunday and we needed food in the house. My face was jacked up! So, I left the house, and drove to the bar. It was 10 am in the morning, and I was sitting at the bar looking around. Everyone was asking me what happened to my face, I would tell them the sob story and wonder what the hell THEY were doing there at 10 am in the morning.

I worked for a beer distributor at the time, and I noticed a mirror on the wall that I had hung. I looked into that mirror and all I saw was my face that was tore up from scraping it on the cement and emptiness in my eyes. I looked back around to the bartender, and had this unbelievable urge to leave. I knew deep down inside I shouldn’t be there doing what I was doing and living the live I was living. I told her to cash out my tab, and I left. She said, see you later! I looked at her and I said, “you will never see me here again”. I walked out, and I went home. Mind you, I had 4 beers and a couple of shots while I was there. It felt as if I was being nudged off that bar stool. So, I went home and told my children that was quitting. Do you think they believed me?

That was Sunday, February 24, 2008. Monday morning, February 25, 2008, I got up and went to work early. I walked right into that HR office and closed the door and when she saw my face she was flabbergasted. I had the coolest job, I sold beer for a living. I loved my job, and I could drink on the job, they didn’t know that, I thought! I proceeded to tell her what had happened and that I had a problem and I needed help. You see, we had a program at our work that stated if we admitted we had a problem, they had to help us and not fire us. Turns out, I was on the verge of loosing my job. My work hours were not conducive to what they expected of me apparently. I knew that, deep down inside.

Someone that worked with me was in the program and she called them along with a counselor and the decision was made. I had quit. I did it. I went to my office and proceeded to make my phone calls and tried to avoid the questions regarding my scabbed up face. The person that came by later that afternoon and 12 stepped me in my office (meaning they told me about AA and why I should go) was awesome. He told me his story, and told me to meet him at a meeting at 5 pm that evening. I drove to the meeting, and “claimed I couldn’t find it”, he saw me on the road and called my cell phone and told me where to go. I couldn’t get out of it at this point! He held my hand and walked me up the stairs to that room, and my life changed. I was so embarrassed to walk in, however when I did I saw some friends in there that I used to drink with! My old neighbor was there! That made me feel a little more comfortable. I prayed they didn’t call on me to talk. I listened, and I realized that what I was hearing was my story, but played by different characters with different names. I had a God problem. I was angry at God. I knew I was in the right place though.

I did everything they told me to do. EVERYTHING. I went through so much emotional shit, and every feeling started to surface. Feelings that I had stuffed for a VERY LONG time. I would stop every single day at Starbucks on the way to the meetings and get a Venti Carmel Frap. I probably gained 25 pounds that first month. Sugar was at almost every meeting, not that that’s a bad thing, that meant celebrations! I learned a new way of life, and I learned to handle the issues that caused me to drink and drug in the first place. I started growing up and I started helping others.

So, today I celebrate 8 years of sobriety and I no longer call myself an alcoholic. I do things on a daily basis to help me to maintain a positive attitude and I help others do the same. I created SugarSobriety based on this story, and because I have been so successful in recovery, why couldn’t I stop sugar? There is no reason I couldn’t. I used to stick needles in my arms, drink tequila on ice with a straw and smoke EVERYTHING. Why couldn’t I stop sugar? I can, I have and I will continue. NO MATTER WHAT.

So, I pose a question to you. Are you doing your BEST to take care of the temple that we call our body? The very BEST that you can do? That one more cookie, that one more soda, that one more “sliver”of cake could be “the very thing” that puts you over the top. It all adds up over the years, and pretty soon our bodies cannot take it anymore. If you read what Amanda wrote, it’s pretty obvious what happens when we consume too much sugar. I have addict tendencies, and I know if I have one cookie, it leads to more. One Day At A Time, there is no other way to live life. We are only given one day at a time, and how else is there to do it? I started out one hour at a time. What can you do to stop? I don’t write this to condemn you, I write this to inspire you and ask you the right questions in hopes that you will take the measures needed to live the quality of life that I get to live now without sugar. It’s going to be cool when I am writing about 8 years free from sugar!

Until tomorrow………..

Advertisements