Day 39 – Good days & Bad days

Hi all! I hope your having a wonderful day. I did some business meetings today and ended up eating out again. I ordered Tomato Basil soup, and of course they brought bread with it. I wasn’t planning on eating the bread, but the next thing I know I am dipping the bread in the soup and eating it! So, I caught myself and stopped. No big deal! I finished the soup and then the meeting was over and we all left. I was on my way home and this craving for an ice cream sandwich hit me like I got side swiped on the freeway!

What the hell? Ice Cream Sandwich, really? I was thinking about the way it melts on the sides and you have to lick it to keep it from getting all over you, and how it tastes when the chocolate outside is mixed with the inside, I could go on but I think you get the point. It’s weird that I ate some bread and probably sugar laced soup (do not know that for sure) and then have a craving for other sugar laced products. Don’t you think that’s weird? I wanted to write about it, because without writing about it and getting it off my chest, I will obsess about it the rest of the day!

I was watching the people in the meeting, which I adore greatly, and they were all eating these little chocolate covered espresso beans that were given out by one of the speakers and I found myself disliking all of them for being able to eat them! Once again, this is coming from me and my years of being addicted to sugar. Here is the thing, I didn’t even want one! This shit is real, and the obsession is amazing! I am aware of this, and I can take appropriate actions, however most aren’t even aware of it! This is where SugarSobriety comes in. One of my friends says, I am just having one, and then she closes the container and puts it away! Then, another person had 3 helpings! LOL!! THAT would have been me. Hey, you gonna eat your chocolate covered espresso beans? Let me take those off your hands!

My point is this; the struggle is real, and yesterday it was easy to say no. Today, still easy to say no, but with some sadness and regret included. Just for today – no sugar/sweets. I actually thought this morning, what about a cheat day? Then I thought, how would that work? I would spend the whole entire day eating sweets, be sick for about 2 days from the “hangover” and then regret doing it. So, I thought what about a cheat hour? That could totally work. I will see, maybe a cheat half hour, or 15 minutes would be better. It allows less time to consume the sweets. Even with all of the research and knowledge I have about sugar and what it does to my body, and the evil, dark side to it, I still want it. It’s frustrating. So very frustrating.

I can do this, I can get through this. I am going to sink myself into some work and maybe I will check in later. All I know is that today SUCKS. I didn’t plan well before I went out, and now I am reaping the consequences. I still get to choose, but that doesn’t mean I am happy about my choices. UGH…..