Day 20 -Testing testing

Good morning! I am posting super early this morning and from my phone. I am sitting on the couch drinking my coffee with butter and coconut oil in it dying for more sleep. The coffee should help, hopefully! Its almost gym time.

I am feeling anxious about the events that we are attending later today. I was awoke in the middle of the night paying some consequences to the actions that I performed on Wednesday. I wore high heels all day. When am I going to learn? This time it will be different, my legs are getting stronger, and its the definition of insanity! Its never different! I feel angry at myself. What happens when Trudi feels angry at herself? I like to punish – if we go deeper, I believe the punishing started when I chose to wear the heels. It was the day I was feeling so good about myself. Remember that day? My pants were fitting me better, no pooch in the gut, and I was having an amazing hair day! Skin was glowing and I could go on. Deep down inside, did I deserve to feel as good as I outwardly projected? So, lets just throw on these heels and wear them all day long. It will be fine. This is what happens when I wear heels folks.

My lower back feels like someone has compressed all of the vertebrae together for about two days afterward. The particular heels I wore inflict a different and new kind of pain on me in addition to the lower back issue. About two days after I wear them, I get awoke in the middle of the night from a sound sleep with cramps in my legs. They are not normal cramps, if there is such a thing, they are on the front of my leg. In my foot and leg like this pic.

Front-of-leg

Shooting up out of bed and not being able to walk from a dead sleep is FUN! These cramps are 10 times worse than a charlie horse cramp! They make the front of the shin area feel like gasoline has been poured on it and lit on fire! Needless to say, I walked around the house, drank some electrolytes and finally was able to get them to subside. Went back to bed, and put a heating pad on because they were threatening to come back. Now that I am done complaining, lets pull all this together shall we?

Not getting good sleep is a great way to weaken my defenses against saying no to sugar. Its a shield against the temptation. When I sleep good, I feel good, not only about myself but about saying no as well. Its easier to make decisions for myself that require some fortitude. Its easier to go to the gym. Its easier to choose healthy food. Its easier to be nice! Think about it, being angry at myself doesn’t equate to being in a happy mood right? Misery, and loathing is part of the punishment. We will get more into this line of thinking when I have another expert on that specializes in NLP and how this all works with these deep seeded beliefs we have and how to inplant new beliefs that serve us.

Today is little Bruces birthday party among family members that consume sugar and sweets just like I did, so they will be plentiful. With the exception of my mother-in-law and she has lost 40 pounds over the past 6 months. She has been able to regulate and treat herself every once in awhile with sweets. I am feeling weak today, and I needed to write about it before going on with my day. I get strength from surrendering to the feeling. It gets it out, if you will.

Here is my plan, I always need a plan BEFORE going into and placing myself in a situation like this. I will hang with “momma” or my hubby who do not partake in sweets. I will bring healthy snacks like almonds, walnuts and organic oranges to munch on. I have some celery sticks and carrots as well. Some great seed crackers that my dear friend gave me yesterday! Thank you – you know who you are! I am grateful that this plan will work and I will come home tonight still sugar free. Simple. I will not allow my brain to make it into something it’s not, its simple. I will not be licking the icing off the childs face! That is NOT part of the plan!

I hope your day is exceptional!  I know mine will be, especially because I started it with you! I am not sure what time we will get home. I will post again this evening if it’s not too late. The party is east of San Diego about 1 1/2 hours away. I feel so much better than I did when I got up. Thank you for following this blog! I feel like you’re always here for me! I love that we are in it together. I am trying to get to 180 likes on the Facebook page before the weekend is over. Head over to SugarSobriety and share it with your friends or like it if you haven’t yet.

Love, love, love to you!

Until later …….

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