Day 19 – How do I celebrate now?

HAPPY Friday! I feel like I have been beat up! What a week! Great accomplishments this week, with my businesses as well as staying off sugar. Sunday will be the end of week 2 and Monday will bring week 3. I want sweets so bad right now! I am fighting with my brain! Up until recently, I would celebrate great events by baking. Baking makes me happy, it’s comforting. If I examine deeper, that could be further from the truth. I keep playing it over and over in my head. Get the ingredients out, bring out the blender and soften the butter in the microwave, just the right amount so that it’s not runny. Blend the brown sugar, peanut butter and butter. Add the eggs and vanilla. Add the flour, baking soda and baking powder and blend. Roll up the balls and mash them with the fork perfectly. Bake and EAT! Okay, there we go, I got it out! I feel a little better now. I can only imagine what would happen if I did bake cookies. I would binge on them, and eat and eat until I was miserable or they were all gone.

It’s weird how this addiction to sugar thing works. “Just eat it in moderation!” Could you please define moderation? I know what it means, I am not aware how to accomplish it. Although, if I look back over the past two weeks, I feel as though I am learning how to moderate food intake, however, I do not trust my “moderating sugar/sweets intake.” I decided today that at Day 30, I would start working some “steps” in order to continue the SugarSobriety. The Twelve Step program derived from AA helped me tremendously during the first four or five years of abstaining from drugs & alcohol. I think they can be modified to work for the sugar thing, and I am researching and will introduce them on the 31st day, MAYBE. Keep in mind, these things work for ME. They may not work for you! Please share with me what works for you. I may be able to use it as well. That’s what this is all about. I share, you share, we all stay happy NOT consuming sugar. Deal?

The perfect scenario would be to have the ability to consume sweets every once in awhile. Wouldn’t that be cool? I can imagine, being at a cocktail party and the waiter comes around and asks you if you want a cream puff. Yes, please, I will have a cream puff. Would you like another? No, thank you, one is good, SAID NO ONE EVER! Okay, I am sure someone has said it. That would NOT be me though. I would take the whole entire tray off his hands and tell him to go get more! Cream puffs are small! One bite! That doesn’t work! I was telling a friend a story today. When I was tending bar (yes a sober bartender), patrons would leave without finishing their drinks. I would always ask them if they were going to finish when they were on their way out the door! WHY would you leave a perfectly good drink behind, unfinished? Finish it! Finish the cookies! That’s what I say!

I think I will write until the cravings are gone! We could be here all night and you might just hear my whole life story! It’s helping to write about it, and knowing that once I am done, I will still have a kitchen calling my name to cook isn’t helping them pass any faster. I am contemplating doing an experiment. AT the end of six weeks, I am thinking I will have a “reward.” Something sweet, only give myself access to something small and see what happens. What do you think? Then the next day, I will start again, sugarfree. I am having a really hard time seeing myself off sugar FOREVER! I guess that’s why I take it one day at a time, huh? I will say no to sugar today. Don’t think about tomorrow. We will see when the time comes what happens. I would like to say if I plan it out, I will be okay. I would like to say if I am around someone when I do it, I will be okay and not obsess with wanting more. I am not certain it would happen that way. It would be like me saying, it’s okay to have one glass of wine. NO, it’s not okay! This picture describes me perfectly right now.

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Could you dance on that foot? There is NO WAY! I would be in bed with my foot propped up popping a gaggle of Tylenol! Not anything stronger, because I have a problem with drugs remember? Ha! I could go on all night about the feelings that I am having right now and grappling with my decision to stop sugar. Bottom line is this, all I can do is sleep on it and not make any rash decisions tonight. Keep myself busy, cleaning always works and I will put it off until tomorrow. Did you know tomorrow never comes? It’s a way to trick my brain. I will have some sweets tomorrow, when tomorrow gets here it’s today and therefore, I will await another day, one day at at time. I really appreciate your attention to my rant, or should I say, sitting down on the pity pot with me. In the morning I will post my Day 20 picture and wish me luck, I am attending my cousins birthday party tomorrow. That should be interesting! He is going to be 1 year old! Isn’t he cute? Happy Birthday Bruce! Have fun with your cake! Sense a little jealousy? You would be correct! Ha!

 

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I will let you know how it went tomorrow night and share some pics as well, of me with frosting all over my face! Just kidding, but you never know!

Sweet dreams – no pun intended! 😉

Until tomorrow……..

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2 Comments

  1. pattihall says:

    You are so strong Trudi, you CAN do this! It’s a little white substance, you are so much stronger than sugar. How about a little reward, a new piece of clothing, earrings? They say it takes 21 days to break a habit… You are almost there,!
    I bet you can find great think to bake without sugar….!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I woke up this morning a little better! I appreciate your encouragement Patti, and I think that may be the answer. I love getting massage, and being pampered. Another friend suggested that I do that, so, I have started saving in order to treat myself at the end of the month with pampering. That does help. I realize it’s going on and that is half the battle. It’s hard to break a habit, I get to replace it with a new one.

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